If there’s one thing I learned from past relationships, it’s this — if it sucks, break the hell up.

Like many people, I’ve been a sucker for long, tumultuous relationships. It’s a real testament to my senseless, spineless fear of being alone.

Call me jaded, but if sucks, kill it. Be done with it. Slay the misery. And face your loneliness. Take up scrapbooking, mountain climbing or Scientology.

Because the last time I got stuck in a bad relationship, I ended up pouring my heart out to the same friends month after month, elaborating on the same problems over and over again.

It doesn’t matter who you’re dating, and what the issue is. He has a gambling problem — two months later — he still has a gambling problem. He has a small dick — two months later — he’s still just a mere four inches. He doesn’t make love to you anymore — two months later — your vibrator breaks down.

People never change.

The sooner you learn and accept this gospel truth, the sooner you’ll stop acting like a loser with no life and an obsession to rewind, review and relive all your painful experiences. The consequence for not moving on can do a number on your age and beauty. Not to mention your sense of cool and grip on reality.

Life is too short to Xerox the mistake of choosing the wrong person day after day. Owe it up — yes, dear lord — I’m an idiot for fucking/dating/marrying a dumbass. Bruise the pride then tell it to sod off.

I may be crazy for condoning and even recommending breakups, but honey, that’s the best thing I did with every single guy I ever dated. It’s not a case of misery needs company. Rather, I say, liberation needs company.

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