More than just a humor website, LITD is an anthropological think-tank, exploring the dating rituals of every culture. We begin with white people (gotta start somewhere). Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest from the trees, so we invite people from one ethnicity to report  on the perplexing dating practices of Caucasians. This installment features Mero, whose hilarious blog, Victory-Light, is a must visit.  – ed.

WHATS POPPIN? IN THIS INSTALLMENT OF MY WHITE PEOPLE DISCOVERY GUIDE I’LL BE SPEAKIN ON WHITE PEOPLE’S MATING TECHNIQUES. NAHMEAN? “MERO WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT? WHAT DO WHITE PEOPLE DO DIFFERENT BRUH?”

FOR REAL? HERE IT GO:

#1 – they ‘date’

SO OFF TOP YOU GOT USE OF THE WORD “DATING”. IF I’M SEEING A BROAD AND ITS NOT SERIOUS, WE’RE JUST FUCKIN AROUND. SO WE EITHER FUCKIN OR NOT FUCKIN. THAT’S MY CLASSIFICATION. IF WE NOT FUCKIN IM STORING YOU IN MY PHONE AS: I’M-NOT-STORING-YOU-IN-MY-PHONE-BITCH-FUCK-OUTTA-HERE-I’M-TRYNA-GET-MY-BEEF-WET.

THE ONLY DATING I DO IS WHEN I PUT SOME CHICKEN IN THE FREEZER AND WRITE “TUESDAY MAY 1ST” ON THE SHIT TO MAKE SURE I DON’T EAT SOME YEAR OLD CHICKEN TIT BY ACCIDENT AND HAVE TO SIT IN THE ER AT LINCOLN FOR 18 HOURS WITH NIGGAS WITH GUNSHOT WOUNDS.

#2 – they’re overeager

I’LL GO OUT WITH A CHICK AND THE NEXT DAY HIT HER UP LIKE, ” ” (THATS BLANK CUZ IM NOT HITTIN HER UP). WHITE GUYS WILL TEXT A BITCH IMMEJUTLY AFTER THE “DATE” ON SOME SHIT LIKE: “I HAD AN AWESOME TIME! SUSHI WAS GREAT! SO WAS THE CONVERSATION! HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON RACHEL! BY THE WAY THAT’S A BEAUTIFUL NAME! AND SO ARE YOU! YOU’RE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL! OR SHOULD I SAY WOMAN? LOL!! JK!! TTYS!!”

REALLY B? WHY DON’T YOU JUST PROPOSE TO THIS BITCH ON THE SPOT? NIGGA YOU STILL IN THE CAB ON THE WAY HOME! GIVE THE BROAD SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT A NERD YOU ARE BEFORE YOU DRIVE IT HOME EMPHATICALLY WITH YOUR THIRSTINESS.

#3 – they go on athletic dates

WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO WILL DO SOMETHING ATHLETIC TOGETHER AS A “DATE”. IM ASKIN A BITCH IF SHE WANTS TO GET SOMETHIN TO EAT AND ETHAN IS ASKING A BITCH IF SHE WANTS TO TAKE A YOGA CLASS.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET TO KNOW THIS BITCH IF I GOT MY LEG BEHIND MY HEAD AND I’M TRYIN NOT TO FART WHILE I LAY ON THIS BAMBOO MAT IN SOME GAY ASS PANTS LISTENING TO FLUTES AND RIVERS? ARE WE GONNA HAVE A CONVERSATION WHILE I GOT A HARNESS SQUEEZIN MY NUTS AND I’M WEARIN WATER SHOES CLIMBIN UP THIS FAKE MOUNTAIN? FUCK OUTTA HERE.


AND THIS IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG B. DON’T GET ME STARTED. STAPLE THIS TO PART ONE AND GET READY CUZ WHEN I GET MY PHD IN CAUCASIANS IMA START TEACHIN YALL AND THIS IS FINNA BE REQUIRED READING.
- MERO

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