Posts tagged style
Saturday statement: the brazen black bra
There are 2 kinds of ladies out there – the ones who enjoy flaunting a sexy black bra under her white shirt and the ones who wouldn’t dream of it. Sure, this may look like a “yeah, so what’s your point?” distinction, but my belief is that such a dichotomy exists and says a lot about both camps of women in terms of one’s sexuality and how she uses (or doesn’t use) her feminine wiles to navigate this crazy destination that is life.
I happen to be one of those girls who deigns to let a little black lacy number peek through my ‘beater now and then. Why? Because I find the powerful message behind it to be a a depiction of one’s uninhibited grip on her sexuality and femininity.
Are the ladies who opt out and go for the neutral-colored bra under all things blanca boring old prudes? Not necessarily. Though I would love to know their religious creed and political party. I wonder what style statement makes THEM feel empowered, feminine and sexy?…
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I guess I’ll just wait till over-sized belt buckles come back into style
Dammit, happened again. I find myself on the wrong side of a fashion curve – in this case, those over-sized western belt buckles, of which I own at least 135.
Over-sized western belt buckles had a good run, spearheading the neo-western movement with its trusty sidekick, the snap button western plaid shirts. The trend began roughly five years ago; I unfortunately caught on just last year.
In my enthusiasm I went on a spree, snatching up every over-sized belt buckle I came across. My collection includes 13 naked women, 8 Woody Woodpeckers, 3 with my first name (Jim), 14 marijuana leafs, 24 guns, 2 penises (don’t ask), 11 Jack Daniels, 4 Jim Beams, 2 George W Bushes, 3 middle fingers, 1 crow on a telephone wire (very artsy), and many others.
As I proudly displayed my Marlboro belt buckle (one of five) at a bar last week, several of my friends informed me of the trend’s demise. I was defensive, and even punched my friend Steve in the throat (was going for his arm), and…
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Goddammit, I’m Not Gay
Per this post, I felt impelled to respond, emotionally, and say goddammit, I’m not gay. I am just a heterosexual man who happens to look gay, and am setting the record straight, pun intended.
This begs the question, what does it mean to “look gay” in today’s culture? After all, a gay man in an uncivilized jungle tribe looks a lot different than one from New York.
So what does a straight man living in New York’s West Village look like? The standard model is tall, slim and extremely well dressed. Proudly, this is how I appear on a day-to-day basis. I wear fitted pants that hug my ass just so, and hats that cock just left (that was an unintended pun, btw, but my habit of using words with the word “cock” in it – cocksure, cockeyed, etc – further lends to my perceived gayness.) Also, I walk with a curious gait, taking long, broad strides; my mouth has that uptight pune common with “diva” or queenie gay men. I even speak…
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Rule #26: dress different
The premise: you are what you wear, so if you show up in khakis and a blue button down (for men) or ballet flats and jeans (women), you risk perceived dullness and unoriginality.
The rule: wear clothing or accessories that make you stand out.
Execution: don at least one outlandish piece of clothing that will stick in the other person’s mind. This is called a ’statement piece’. Women generally know how to rock these better than men, who think a nifty backpack for transporting his laptop makes a strong statement.
A good test: can you have at least a three minute conversation with someone about your statement piece? If it’s a wrinkle-free blue button down from Brooks Brothers, probably not; if it’s accordion capris from Ye Yaoya (featured in photo on left), very likely.
Fashion Fallout: turbans spotted in LES divebars
Like history, trends repeat themselves; also like history, we don’t always learn our lesson the first go around. A trend at the turn of the 20th century, the turban was revived on the runways in spring ’07 by designers like Ralph Lauren and Prada. Perhaps you thought, as I did, such an outrageous statement would stay where it belongs, on the runway, worn only by walking clothes hangers. But alas, fast forward to winter 2010 where the turban has begun rearing its ugly head.
Spotted in a Lower East Side dive bar was this dry-heave inducing guy, who either reads his mom’s VOGUE instead of his dad’s hunting mags or he seriously does not want to get laid. His turban-wearing as party gimmick is ethnocentric, and not just to those of the Middle East, but also Anna, Madame Prada and myself.
The real question is: When is dread-locking your chest hair going to be the next fad? For his sake, I hope soon.
Trend Genie: fun balloon animals
The greatest trend to come off the runways over the last century is easily the Rabbit Ears, which, incidentally peaked in popularity last year – the year of the rabbit. How refreshing to see those stonefaced, robotic models instantly transformed into cuddly approachable bunnies. Pretty soon everyone was wearing them – to work, the ballgame, in the gym – and a new report claims that every household has at least 3 bunny ears (the inflated number is partly due to pet Rabbit Ears, a fairly recent development in which dogs, cats, and, ironically, rabbits, don the playful accessory.)
Nobody saw it coming, but its safe to say that whomever comes up with the next Rabbit Ears will be a billionare. This is a job for the Trend Genie, who looks deeps into the future and sees….BALLOON ANIMALS. Yes, another vintage Steve Martin gimmick will be the trend of the future. Men in skinny gray suits and ties will twist a red balloon into the shape of a beetle, and wear it on their heads…
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The web: rabbit hole for effeminate straight men?
It’s 7 pm on a Wednesday evening at Wilfie and Nell in the West Village. To my left is John, my internet date for the evening. He’s explaining something, and he’s excited. Arms flailing, wrists flicking, voice rising and falling in dramatic fashion. And I think, my God, not again. Not another effeminate straight guy posing as an urban lumberjack.
Truth be told, I have something of a fetish for the urban lumberjack, defined as anyone over 6′0 tall, wears flannel, has a beard/scruff/tattoo(s), can fix things, and voted for Hillary in the primaries. Combined, these elements paint a portrait of pure virility, sex and man. But John, with his flailing limbs and summer ale, is about as far from the desired U.L. as one can possibly be, bringing me to my thesis, which is more a warning to women looking for love online: beware the effeminate straight man posing as something very different.
The reason is fairly obvious: given the opportunity to reshape your persona into something a little more, er, appealing…
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Trend Genie: Turtlenecks
Trend: the turtleneck
When it will arrive: 4 years
Famous turtleneck wearers: Shaft, Steve McQueen, Diane Keaton
Why: this is one 80s stalwart that somehow didn’t make it into the current reprise. How high-waisted mom jeans returned for an encore while turtlenecks got the slip defies all logic, but the trend genie keeps a keen eye on such forgotten gems because they always get their due, and turtlenecks will back, big time, in 2014, for both men and women.
The twist: turtlenecks will have prints of animals, and ironic statements like “stick with me – I’m going nowhere.”
Summing up fashion week, part 1
The sisters Rodarte
Attempting to save room and create more space to sell advertising, New York Magazine invited some of fashion’s biggest names to describe the theme of their entire fall collection using just one word. Dictionaries, translators and a team of 4th grade spell checkers were provided. In the spirit of Fashion Week, we post a translation for the fashion illiterate (in two parts):
Designer: Francisco Costa, Calvin Klein
The design in one word: “Vibration”
Translation in more words: For extra pleasure
Designer: Vera Wang
The design in one word: “Dimension”
Translation in more words: You’re probably going to look fat in this
Designer: Erin Fetherston
The design in one word: “Poetess”
Translation in more words: Men and women aren’t equals
Designer: Kate and Laura Mulleavy, Rodarte
The design in one word: “Dreams”
Translation in more words: The entire collection was created on Ketamine
Designer: Alexander Wang
The design in one word: “Wall Street”
Translation in more words: This shit will fall apart
This look is played
Half business half pleasure, this look is the style equivalent to the mullet. It’s that “after work” look made famous by middle class fathers, what with the loose tie and vest, but mixed with that Gap-casual jean thing.
Anyone who watched 500 Days of Summer got an overdose of it, as Joseph Gordon-Levitt sported it in EVERY SCENE. Here we see Topher Grace at the Valentine’s Day premier.
Here’s hoping this look will go the way of the mullet.
