Posts tagged sports
Types of dysfunctional daters: the Avoiding Athlete
Who they are: marathoners, triathletes, adventure racers, gym rats, or any other single person for whom a sport takes up a disproportionate amount of their time and energy.
Identifying traits: abundance of visible veins; confusingly appears healthy and unhealthy at the same time; deep tan; calloused feet; an weird remoteness; wears things like North Face foul weather jackets to dinner.
Why they’re single: one of the wonderful things about running and exercising is the temporary escape it provides. But like a drug addiction, there’s a point at which the temporary escape eclipses reality. The Avoiding Athlete puts miles between him/her and the things they should be dealing with in real life, which is typically developing a lasting relationship with something else besides their spandex.
Question they ask: can I sweat out my issues? They seem to think so, but fast and nimble as the Avoiding Athlete is, their problems are always close behind!
Advantages: healthier than binging on cocaine-filled Hostess Cupcakes; good legs; possible strong sexual appetite (exercise is good for sexual activity,…
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Saturday morning funnies: the 1989 Chrystal Light aerobics championship
Try to contain yourself ladies. Note: the song is on 45 rpm. Thanks to LITD VJ Colleen Crumbcake for this gem.
Baseball terms applied to dating and relationships
Baseball season is in full swing (har har), and even if you don’t like it you can’t help but appreciate our pastime’s terms and sayings. More than any other sport, baseball has such a fun, creative way of putting complicated plays and situations into words. We thought it would be a helpful exercise to apply these terms to another complex, unpredictable facet of life – dating and relationships. A start to the list follows with links that help show term in baseball action. I’m sure we’re missing quite a few; just add ‘em to the comments and soon we’ll have an index to be reckoned with. Play ball!
1. Fielder’s choice - that rare, rare situation in which you can choose between multiple suitors of decent quality. Of course, 99% of the time you end up dropping the ball anyway, resulting in getting charged with an….
2. Error - a blatant mistake that often tips the scales out of your favor, or is a factor in your self-destructive relationship patterns. …
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Dating scorecard for women
They say dating is a game. Many people hate it for this reason, but we think if you embrace this competitive aspect, you will learn how to play and come out a winner. Essential to any game is a scoring system; we all have one in our heads, as we silently judge the person who is putting their best foot forward, but in case you forget here’s a printable card for your convenience. As you can see, there’s a lot of room for error. Sorry fellas. **this is the first in a series, so stay tuned!**
Video in the Dumps – Kobe fan is a true LITDer
Love in the Dumps endorses the Lakers, and Kobe Bryant, so when this video came our way it made us realize that all Laker fans are the same – just slightly off, in the best way.
Dating Doh!nt: online edition – pictures of you kayaking
Hello potential soul mate for life! What do you think of this picture of me, paddling the tranquil waters of the Pacific in my kayak? I included this photo because it displays an important side of me – the outdoorsy, nature-loving side. And if you didn’t notice (shame on you if you didn’t), this picture came immediately after the one of me boozing in a trendy lounge, which is testament to my versatile personality. You see, I am just as comfortable sitting on my ass in this plastic vessel as I am sitting on my ass at the opera. I can rock aqua socks or ten inch hooker heels. I can navigate the Briney deep in the morning, as I’m doing here, and a Reseda shopping mall in the afternoon.
What’s that? You don’t like my life jacket? My personal flotation device (PFD)? Well, I will have you know that I can slip off a foamy PFD just as easily as I can a silky camisole. You see, I’m a chameleon – at home in…
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What to expect if you date: a professional paintball player
GOOD THINGS: muscles; leadership; adventurous sex; pride of dating an athlete; lack of body hair; appreciation of beer; wanting to win; travel; your back is covered; subculture fame
BAD THINGS: bruises as discussion topics; cockiness; affinity for guns; stained clothing; bar fights; living with parents; un-ironic bad haircut; fake tan; obsessed with reputation
DATE THEM IF YOU: like riding in SUVs; enjoy action flicks (only); don’t mind being bossed around; want more violence in your life; can take paintball seriously.
*the author in fact dated a professional paintballer, who fitttingly had bruises all over his body due to paint ‘hits’. – ed.
Sausage Links: Cured, Dried and Smoked
An athlete’s take on sex addiction. Man must have talked a tight game considering the shit he put his wife through. That or she’s physically afraid to leave him. Jeesh.
Indie pop bands take notice —> I see a music video concept here. If I were a motivated man, I’d overdub it with The Beatles “Fool on a Hill”
Interesting piece on how Britain has created 4,300 new laws in 12 years. I remember in 2006 seeing a sign on the tube stating that you will be fined for spitting on an officer of teh law. And this is before Naomi Campbell had her incident.
There is a consistent return of hilarity when you peep the goings-on in performance art. To some, it’s a statement against urbanization. To others, its a dude rubbing his wang on some rocks and cotton. And to me, it’s called house sitting
Your Get-Ready-For-St-Patty’s-Song-Of-The-Day: The Pogues “White City”
Gratuitous Jack Handey Quote: “I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very…
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Breaking News: heartbreak at Ranger’s game
A man proposed to his girlfriend at the Valentine’s Day Rangers hockey game and was rejected on the JumboTron. Anything captured on the JumboTron is dramatic, but a rejected proposal on Valentine’s day is noting short of epic.
Update/video: Huff post.
The Sucky Super Bowl Ads
The consensus is that this year’s super bowl ads were sexist and sucked.Which brings up an interesting point: the parallels between Super Bowl ads and oral sex are unavoidable. Both are secondary but expected bonuses, both are discussed with friends the next day, and both can be very expensive.
Also like oral sex, Super Bowl ads are always unfairly compared to the best. And there have been some great ones. Giant balloons battling for soda, babies with man-voices, even a wardrobe malfunction. But everything has a climax, and from there the only place to go is down. Or back up and kind of off to the side.
So let Super Bowls ads, and their meaningful relationship to oral sex, be a lesson to us all. Sometimes the ads are disappointing, a let-down but never dealbreaker. Maybe the adult braces will come off next year. And let’s face it: like pizza and lackluster oral sex, even when Super Bowl ads are bad, they’re still pretty good.
