Posts tagged religeon
Letter from Qatar
Lately I’ve been busy learning the ways of Allah, and apparently, His people want my infidel ass.
OK back up a bit. Five months ago, I decided to pack my bags and move to Qatar. Yes, the tiny peninsula just off Saudi Arabic – one of the richest countries in the world, where Lamborghinis are as abundant as second and third wives.
Some Arabic I’ve picked up so far: Kees ummak (Your mother’s pussy!), Kees ummak bi ayri (My cock up your mother’s pussy!), Kees ummak bi Ras’ayri (The tip of my cock up your mother’s pussy), and finally Kees ummak bi Ras’ayri sharmoota (The tip of my cock up your mother’s pussy, bitch!). Yes I ‘m a fast learner, Masha’Allah (God meant it so!).
Now that we’ve established the fact that I’m totally opened to mingling with Arabs, I’d like to talk a bit about the cultural differences within the dating scene.
Urrr, what dating scene? First of all, there is none. Because dating is haram (taboo)! If a woman wants to hook up…
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Dating How-to-Do’s: playing the Jew Card
The Scenario: your date, who you like/want, is Jewish. You are half, quarter, or one-eighth Jewish.. Or you have no idea but suspect there was probably some Jewish action in your family tree at one point or another.
The Move: play the Jew Card by exaggerating whatever ties you have to the religion.
How to do it: when the conversation meanders to religion, naturally and sheepishly drop the line, “well, I’m half Jewish.” You can do this even if you’re only the slightest bit Jewish, as explained above. The key is to make them think that you would convert, if need be, which who knows? Maybe you will.
Take it to the Next Level: sometimes just playing the half-Jew card might not be enough. If you have to explain yourself, say something like, “I’ve been kind of lost when it comes to religion, and I think it comes from this Christian/Jewish limbo my parents put me in.” Dramatic pause, then look them in they eye and say: “I would like to commit to one or…
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