Posts tagged relationships
Mathmatical Proof that Relationships are Impossible in NYC
My relationship-math colleague Satoshi Kanazawa explains, in no uncertain terms, why dating in big cities (not just New York) is so hard.
Dating Doh!ts: online edition
Situation:
You’ve written someone, and they have not written back for awhile (more than 3 days), which means they are not interested and therefore will not write back, ever.
Tempting thought:
Maybe they didn’t get your message (spam etc), or were really busy and just missed it.
Dating Doh!nt:
You write a ‘follow up’ note, either asking if they got your note or just attempting to restart a dead engine.
Result:
You appear even more pathetic than before; loss of pride; diminished confidence.
In the future:
Take the hit like a man/woman and move on.
Send your Dating Doh!nts to: news <at>loveinthedumps.com
Video in the Dumps: Risa and the Tina Turner Musical
We are adopting Risa as the LITD mascot, simply because she embodies everything we’re about: using absurd humor to deal with relationships and dating.
Graph: love, location, and the time space continuum
“We’ve been going out for 3 months, which in New York time is like 3 years.” This comment came from a colleague during a cigarette break at last week’s Relationship Math and Statistics Convention in Belchertown, Mass . Which led to a bigger question – is there a meaningful relationship between time spent in a relationship and the city in which you are spending it? What, for example, would 3 years be in Belchertown time? We put out our cigarettes and reached for our calculators. Turns out 3 years in Belchertown in exactly the inverse of New York – 3 months. We applied the formula to every city we could think of, from Tucson to Tucumcari, and the accuracy was spot on. The formula, as we release it to the world (patent pending) is this:
Take the city’s excitement level, generally defined by choices of entertainment and population. Multiply this number by the city’s neurosis level, defined by the collective unease of its citizens, then divide by the actual amount of time one spends…
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The Rothman Graph
More often than not, men and women are ships passing in the night, never quite existing on the same level. This phenom is the subject of endless study and speculation, but never is it more the case than at the beginning of a courtship – such a delicate period of wide error margins and tricky variables.
Sounds like a job for math and statistics, and it is. I introduce to the world the Rothman graph (fig. A). Let me break it down. The Level of Interest is the amount of interest and enthusiasm (sexual or otherwise) each has for the other. The Level of Familiarity is how well they know each other, defined by time.
You will quickly notice the extreme distance between the man and woman on the level of interest in the beginning: the woman is on the lowest level while the man is that the very top. This is because men, generally stimulated and driven by visual stimuli, believes from the beginning that she is perfect for him…
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Friday Photo-Comix
Welcome to Ani-Comix theater, a regular feature in which we play out scenes, ideas or whatever else we feel like in a graphic novel type of format. This week it’s The Things, concerning reminders found in the mundane after a breakup (advance images w arrows on bottom)
Chatroulette Love: Trans-Oceaneonic Affair
One of the most fascinating parts of Chatroulette is the ability to meet someone from a completely different continent, culture, language etc – love, as I’ve learned, has no boundaries, and this time I found it in China. Though betwixt us is an ocean, multiple continents, a language barrier, and long-standing misogynistic culture, we have found connection in the chasm of difference. It is the second longest Chatroulette relationship I have ever had, lasting 4 minutes.
You: Which one?
Stranger: Chinese
Stranger: you?
You: from NYC
Stranger: I went one. big, much lights very loud, very people
You: Well, China has quite big cities too so NYC can’t be that busy in comparison
Stranger: I live out no big city. farm?
You: ohh you dont live in the city, you live on a farm, cool!
Stranger: traditional family, grand mother with tight feet
You: Your mother has tight feet?
Stranger: tradition china, feet tight so lady not walk well
You: Oh! your grand mother has bound feet! I thought that doesn’t exist…
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Love Bust: Nick Cannon & Mariah Carey
Love Busted: Nick Cannon
Accomplice: Mariah Carey
Violation: Using wife to advance career
Location: New York and Los Angeles
Officer’s notes:
Finding the sham within a Hollywood relationship is like solving a crime – you see who benefits, and start there. In this case, the Love Busters didn’t have to go any further.
Before the accused married Mariah Carey in April, he was a wannabe rapper with one album, a second that was never released, and a second rate show on MTV, “Wild ‘N Out”. He was a C Lister at best. Since marrying Mimi, Nick’s stock has risen considerably and so have his opportunities: he became the Chairman of Teen Nick, launched NCredible Entertainment and was hired as host of America’s Got Talent. He’s this decade’s K-Fed: a loser who’s willing to put up with his wife’s eccentricities for fame and fortune. But we’ve got news for you, Mr. DJ Sex Fingers, as well as for you, Miss Unicorns, angels and lambs: your Balsa wood relationship might be fooling your Twitter followers, but…
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What to expect if you date: an accountant
In the spirit of tax season! – ed.
Good Things: stability; predictable haircut; calculating manner that can apply to other aspects of life in positive ways, for example sex; always on time; will never cheat on you.
Bad Things: hyper-attention to detail; calculating manner that can apply to other aspects of life in negative ways, for example sex ; has no intention of trying to explain what he/she does; falls asleep at parties; can never cheat on them.
Date Them if You: can’t figure out the tip at dinner; need structure in your life; are getting audited; have a debit column fetish.
Study proves break-ups affect things and stuff
Erica Slotter, lead author in the race to late night infomercial fame, recently published a controversial study on the taboo topic of break-ups. This contentious research supports a radical new school of thought that “a break up can make people feel like they don’t know who they are anymore”. Can this be true?
Sighting hacked blogs and hijacked diaries as sources, Slotter claims increased usage of key words like, “confused”, “feelings”, and “chunky monkey”.
A compelling research study involving over 9 respondents further supports this seditious claim, with participants admitting to “a moderate change in their belief system, their appearance, and even their values”. When asked to elaborate, one respondent stated, “The Deuce is back!” while another simply proffered his finger to be smelled.
This powerful new insight into the fragility of human identity has made waves in the scientific and astrological community alike. LITD will continue to monitor the inevitable shockwaves that are sure to follow such a monumental piece of scientific brilliance.
