Posts tagged profile
Types of dysfunctional daters: the Pet Proxy
Who they are: single people who are preoccupied with their pet to the point of obsession, much to the annoyance of everyone around them who doesn’t share their four-legged (over)enthusiasm.
Identifying traits: cat/dog/horse fur on clothes and hair; talks about their pet constantly and gets noticeably jittery when conversation veers away from it; discusses their pet’s stools openly.
Why they’re single: like the baby ducks who will follow a human in lieu of a feathered mother, the Pet Proxy projects their innate need for human companionship onto their animal. This puts them in a weird spot. One the one hand they don’t really feel the “need” to be with someone; on the other, they can’t have sexual relations or any other kind of normal communication with their pet, which leaves them vaguely dissatisfied, but often not enough to make them do something about it.
Advantages: intimacy without the baggage (except for the the bags you pick up the dog shit with); gives you a living thing to care for and worry about, thereby…
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Dating Doh!nt: online edition – pictures of you kayaking
Hello potential soul mate for life! What do you think of this picture of me, paddling the tranquil waters of the Pacific in my kayak? I included this photo because it displays an important side of me – the outdoorsy, nature-loving side. And if you didn’t notice (shame on you if you didn’t), this picture came immediately after the one of me boozing in a trendy lounge, which is testament to my versatile personality. You see, I am just as comfortable sitting on my ass in this plastic vessel as I am sitting on my ass at the opera. I can rock aqua socks or ten inch hooker heels. I can navigate the Briney deep in the morning, as I’m doing here, and a Reseda shopping mall in the afternoon.
What’s that? You don’t like my life jacket? My personal flotation device (PFD)? Well, I will have you know that I can slip off a foamy PFD just as easily as I can a silky camisole. You see, I’m a chameleon – at home in…
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5 profile pictures that will get you nowhere fast
Asylum has interesting commentary on OkCupid’s study on what makes a good online dating profile for guys; these include pictures showing off muscles, drinking with friends, and pictures with animals. But what about bad dating profile pictures? These landmines are hard to avoid, so we provide a handy list:
1. You hiking, ice climbing, or doing some other activity that involves sweat and B.O. Ok, it’s cool that you’re into nature, but sweaty pits are the last thing one wants as a first impression.
2. You with your parents. Unless your parents are insanely hot, it’s not a good idea to show someone what you’ll look like in twenty or so years.
3. You at work. Hey! It’s me, under florescent lights, in my depressing cubicle where my ass is getting fatter by the day!
4. You taking a cell phone picture of yourself. No matter how good you think you are, these shots are always weird. Your eyes are looking to the far right, and your smile is askew and awkward.
5. Professional…
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