America’s favorite douche bag John Mayer recently embarked on an interview tour de force. Sitting down with, among others, Rolling Stone and Playboy Magazine, popular conversation topics included; John Mayer, johncmayer (his twitter account), and John Mayer’s racist man-parts.

But don’t write off this puppydog-eyed heartthrob just yet. He’s grown up and, at 32, finally beginning to grasp the complexities of love and relationships.

“Here’s what I really want to do at 32: fuck a girl and then, as she’s sleeping in bed, make breakfast for her. So she’s like, “What? You gave me five vaginal orgasms last night, and you’re making me a spinach omelet? You are the shit!” So she says, “I love this guy.” I say, “I love this girl loving me.” And then we have a problem. Because that entails instant relationship. I’m already playing house. And when I lose interest she’s going to say, “Why would you do that if you didn’t want to stick with me?” ”

Why, John? Why would you make a spinach omelet for a…
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