Posts tagged pets
Types of dysfunctional daters: the Pet Proxy
Who they are: single people who are preoccupied with their pet to the point of obsession, much to the annoyance of everyone around them who doesn’t share their four-legged (over)enthusiasm.
Identifying traits: cat/dog/horse fur on clothes and hair; talks about their pet constantly and gets noticeably jittery when conversation veers away from it; discusses their pet’s stools openly.
Why they’re single: like the baby ducks who will follow a human in lieu of a feathered mother, the Pet Proxy projects their innate need for human companionship onto their animal. This puts them in a weird spot. One the one hand they don’t really feel the “need” to be with someone; on the other, they can’t have sexual relations or any other kind of normal communication with their pet, which leaves them vaguely dissatisfied, but often not enough to make them do something about it.
Advantages: intimacy without the baggage (except for the the bags you pick up the dog shit with); gives you a living thing to care for and worry about, thereby…
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Types of dysfunctional daters: the Lame Horse Bettor
In the spirit of Andrea Syrtash’s new book release, He’s Just Not Your Type, Love in the Dumps will attempt to identify and profile the many types of dysfunctional daters (DDs). We know who we are. (which DD are you, or which have you encountered? Let me know!!!)
Type name: The Lame Horse Bettor
Definition: Like the unlucky Thoroughbred gambler who bets on a horse with a bad leg, this type purposely starts up relationships with partners that are obviously unsustainable, all to avoid getting involved in longer term relationships. Unfortunately the victims suffer the same fate as the lame horse, and are put down.
Advantages: The benefit of being a Lame Horse Bettor is seductive – an instant rip cord to pull at any given time, usually around the 3 month expiration. The “he/she is just not right for me” excuse is built right into it from the start, so when you inevitably plow the thing into a tree the damage will be minor scrapes and cuts.…
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