Posts tagged jewish
Grading the Vows: Dayani, Traugott
Analysis: she spent three years and $150k of her parent’s dough to get a fancy law degree only to defect to the glamorous world of high fashion. One gets the feeling that she smashed up her dad’s BMW back in the day, and basically got away with murder in the great Southern California JAP tradition (be advised, the spoiled west coast princess syndrome is by no means just a Jewish thing). As her friends remarked, she needs “an older guy” who “won’t put up with her shit”. Enter Mr. Traugott, president of an entertainment company’s television division. 17 years her senior, Peter reinforces the adage that if you become an entertainment executive, you will score hot, young ass (the adage’s words, not mine).
Troubling questions: the announcement says nothing about previous marriage, so we’re to assume that at 45, he’s never been married; in the LITD dictionary, this spells relationship retard. Her extreme bangs and his big forehead clash like a Rachel Zoe dress and Vineyard Vines slacks.
What their kids will look…
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Dating How-to-Do’s: playing the Jew Card
The Scenario: your date, who you like/want, is Jewish. You are half, quarter, or one-eighth Jewish.. Or you have no idea but suspect there was probably some Jewish action in your family tree at one point or another.
The Move: play the Jew Card by exaggerating whatever ties you have to the religion.
How to do it: when the conversation meanders to religion, naturally and sheepishly drop the line, “well, I’m half Jewish.” You can do this even if you’re only the slightest bit Jewish, as explained above. The key is to make them think that you would convert, if need be, which who knows? Maybe you will.
Take it to the Next Level: sometimes just playing the half-Jew card might not be enough. If you have to explain yourself, say something like, “I’ve been kind of lost when it comes to religion, and I think it comes from this Christian/Jewish limbo my parents put me in.” Dramatic pause, then look them in they eye and say: “I would like to commit to one or…
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