Should I stand like this, or stand like that? Arms folded, giving me an air of stalwart decisiveness, or does it make me appear closed-off, inaccessible, remote? Though isn’t being remote considered sexy, as in “the puzzle” that someone would want to “figure out”?

It’s always a bit awkward at these parties, finding yourself standing alone and are forced to make decisions that might in fact determine if you will find a mate for the night, or, indeed life? Should I eat one of these Cheese Puffs, or will that look corny, as in “the guy standing alone eating the Cheese Puffs”?

Fuck it, I’m going to eat one. Oh Christ, that group of girls is looking, although to be fair they seem to be looking around everywhere. Who chose the food anyway? Couldn’t they think of something sexier than Cheese Puffs? Like something that doesn’t leave a thin layer of neon orange goo on your fingers? Trader Joe’s offers a bevy of frozen options that are both delicious and reasonab –…
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