Posts tagged dating
Baseball terms applied to dating and relationships
Baseball season is in full swing (har har), and even if you don’t like it you can’t help but appreciate our pastime’s terms and sayings. More than any other sport, baseball has such a fun, creative way of putting complicated plays and situations into words. We thought it would be a helpful exercise to apply these terms to another complex, unpredictable facet of life – dating and relationships. A start to the list follows with links that help show term in baseball action. I’m sure we’re missing quite a few; just add ‘em to the comments and soon we’ll have an index to be reckoned with. Play ball!
1. Fielder’s choice - that rare, rare situation in which you can choose between multiple suitors of decent quality. Of course, 99% of the time you end up dropping the ball anyway, resulting in getting charged with an….
2. Error - a blatant mistake that often tips the scales out of your favor, or is a factor in your self-destructive relationship patterns. …
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Are you loving like a Darma or a Greg?
There is an important lesson to be learned from Darma & Greg. If you’re not familiar with the late 90’s TV show, or need a refresher course, the half-hour sitcom was about the marriage of a liberal, yoga-practicing, health-nut hippie (Darma) and a conservative, practical, follow-the-rules lawyer (Greg). Of course drama ensues when Darma and Greg’s different approaches to illness, home decorating, and camping conflict – Darma’s cure for a cold involves herbs and old world mysticism while Greg employs Sudafed and a trained healthcare professional.
All my life, I’ve dated Gregs (cranky intellectuals who need a laugh and my impulsive behavior as a sidekick on the dirt road to F-U-N) – until last year, when I dated Ben.
Ben was living on his own planet, where people only cared about organic vegetable gardening and hiking with friends, where wine flowed like water, where traveling was church and where girlfriends were a burden. There were no rules in Ben’s world and I eagerly stepped in, ready for vacation.
But being around a through and through…
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Dating and the asian white guy
Earlier this summer, I had an opportunity to visit an exotic country in the Middle East.
When I broke the news to my family, the first thing my grandmother said was, “So you’re going to get even darker!”
Forget “won’t you need to wear a head veil?” Or the ever popular, “what about the terrorists?” The utmost important thing in her mind was, holy cow, my dark-skinned grand-daughter is going to get even darker, and nobody is going to want to marry her, not even a Saudi!
I, like millions of Asians, are born with a warmer tone of skin. Makeup foundations named “tan” or “Sahara” seem to fit my face just dandy.
For most white folks, that’s called beauty. Every day, silly white girls and guys all over North America visit tanning salons, lather themselves with sketchy chemicals, bathe hours on a beach and risk skin cancer just so they don’t have to look like a corpse. They do, anyway, or end up looking like a massive piece of cowhide, but whatever makes them…
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5 ways to not act interested in a girl while on a date
Figure 1: body language
Okay so you finally met a girl you’re interested in, maybe even beyond a night or two of bumping uglies. By now we all know the golden rule: you want what you can’t get. Therefore, your liking her puts you in an extremely weak position, and the only way to get back on equal ground is to act like you’re not interested, and the first step is by doing so on the date itself. This is a tough needle to thread, but if don’t your game will be over faster than it was the first time you played Arkanoid. It’s probably hopeless, but just in case, here’s a handy guide:
1. Body language (fig. 1). This is of critical importance. Have you seen two people on a date, and the guy is leaning in, back hunched over, hanging on to every last word the girl is saying? And of course she’s doing all the talking, because the fact that he’s sitting across…
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7 pick-up lines that actually work
** the following comes to us from the great Denny Delveccio, editor of the insanely funny Your New Bad Habit, and will be doing a regular column on LITD (we’ll be posting on his site too). Visit his site, and join his Fan Page. You’ll only be a little sorry. – .ed
Although it may be difficult to believe from where you’re sitting, even your boy Denny Dance sometimes avails himself of a “Gentleman’s Overture” or two in order to increase his odds of biblically reclining with any number of otherwise virtuous, doe-eyed misses. Yes, on occasion even my carnal tractor beam is off. You may stop shaking your head in disbelief. It makes you look rabid.
On the off chance that you can pry your way from the Myst chatroom this evening to join the party going down at your local pool hall or deserted farmhouse, you might consider utilizing one of the following DelVecchio-approved icebreakers. All are guaranteed to keep the panties dropping:
1.
The T.J. Maxx Principle
I love to unearth a bargain. Searching out of the way shops and finding that Vivienne Westwood dress I know no one else has – at the low, low price of $20 – makes manifest the visceral thrill of the hunt, the joy of discovery.
This is no easy feat. Quite literally, each item must be poked, prodded and examined for label, fabric quality and potential defects. Even then, the chosen garment may require alterations before it’s ready for prime time. But it’s worth it when I hear the inevitable compliments, “Wherever did you get that DRESS??” and the shock when I reply, “Steve’s Discount Bait, Tackle & Pants!”
How, you ask, does this apply to dating? Posthaste, I will reveal: the T.J. Maxx Principle.
Inside every comic shop, hotel bar, or philatelist club, hidden among the spoiled tweens, fifty-something queens and larpers lurks a diamond in the rough, glittering with promise. “Don’t let my proto-mullet and 13-year-old mustache fool you. I’m hot, loaded, and great in bed – all…
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10 ways a girl knows her love life is boring as all hell
Lady Lumberjack stormed onto the LITD scene a few months back with this story, which is the site’s perennial traffic cow. She’s back with an equally hilarical (her word) post for the early summer (thanks to Anne Marie for the Pulitzer prize-quality covert coffeehouse photo). – ed.
“Look, Lady Lumberjack – spring and summer is mating season, c’mon! You’ve gotta have SOME kind of game!”A man-friend said to me upon the first 65 degree day in NYC after a long, cold winter. Sure, it’s mating season – random strangers are going-home together from bars at a faster pace, the hems on my dresses are inching shorter, couples are canoodling at outdoor cafes in nauseatingly high numbers – yet I’m bored as hell. I polled several of my gorgeous, smart, funny, sweet yet spicy single gal pals, as well as dipped into my own personal arsenal, to come-up with the Top 10 Signs that a Girl is Bored With Her Love Life.
10. She’d rather go home with a pile of bodega food at…
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LITD Editor in Time Out New York!
Two things feel more pathetic than putting up an online dating profile. Doing so on Craigslist Personals is one; doing it in a newspaper or magazine is another. Your LITD did the latter recently, under the guise of “I’m doing it for the site”. Nice try. This is the snark who, on a weekly basis, Grades the Vows ; we encourage you to turn the chalkboards and grade him, in the comments section. Do your worst! Below, we give you a head start. Original Time Out ad is found here.
How White People Date: Chapter 2
Mero from VICTORY LIGHT adds two more to the book. Read Chapter 1 here.
#4 – They make mix tapes and CDs
ALL MY NON-WHITE READERS ARE LIKE “WHAT DOES DJ DRAMA HAVE TO DO WITH DATING?” HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DATING, BUT WHITE PEOPLE HAVE A DIFFERENT DEFINITION OF MIXTAPES. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY MIXTAPE AND THIS IS WHAT A WHITE PEOPLE MIXTAPE IS ALTHOUGH NOWADAYS ITS USUALLY ON A CD AND IT’S USUALLY CALLED SOMETHING WILD CORNY LIKE “FOR RACHEL, WITH UNDYING LOVE.” OR “FOR WHEN YOU THINK OF ME.” THIS IS HOW WHITE PEOPLE PROFESS THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. THAT SHIT BAFFLES ME BUT YO, IF YOU AIN’T WHITE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS SO BE VERY CAREFUL. WHEN DEALING WITH A WHITE GIRL DO NOT BURN THE BITCH A CD, EVEN IF ITS A BOOTLEG COPY OF AVATAR. SHE’LL TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY AND POKE A HOLE IN THE CONDOM…(JUST KIDDING, ONLY BLACK BITCHES DO…
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