Posts tagged advice
Bottom 5 Ways to Impress Men (for women)
We all know that meeting men is not easy, unless you are a super model or a urologist. But with strategic planning, you can maximize your opportunities to meet men. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and yaddah yaddah yaddah, but actually that’s a lie. We’re all from planet Zoran. Duh.
1. At a bar, always have a beer in hand. It shows that you are low-maintenance and have something in common with the majority of the male population.
2. Mention some hyper-masculine topics of interest within the first few minutes of talking to a man. Some possibilities are: WWE, Sports!, the time you visited the Heineken brewery in Amsterdam, youporn.com vs. youjizz.com, what the big deal is with Rob Pattinson, cars etc.
3. Find out what teams your man likes and buy the gear. Or if you’re trying to meet men in general buy 32 NFL jerseys, corresponding to the 32 NFL teams. Other gear to invest in includes hats with beer logos, white jeans (men like white jeans – don’t…
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5 profile pictures that will get you nowhere fast
Asylum has interesting commentary on OkCupid’s study on what makes a good online dating profile for guys; these include pictures showing off muscles, drinking with friends, and pictures with animals. But what about bad dating profile pictures? These landmines are hard to avoid, so we provide a handy list:
1. You hiking, ice climbing, or doing some other activity that involves sweat and B.O. Ok, it’s cool that you’re into nature, but sweaty pits are the last thing one wants as a first impression.
2. You with your parents. Unless your parents are insanely hot, it’s not a good idea to show someone what you’ll look like in twenty or so years.
3. You at work. Hey! It’s me, under florescent lights, in my depressing cubicle where my ass is getting fatter by the day!
4. You taking a cell phone picture of yourself. No matter how good you think you are, these shots are always weird. Your eyes are looking to the far right, and your smile is askew and awkward.
5. Professional…
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How to avoid Valentine’s Day altogether
The Frisky came up with a handy list of places to avoid on Valentine’s Day. God knows we love a good list, but theirs is a bit expected and merely scratches the surface. So we’re taking a bit further, with How to Avoid Valentine’s Day Altogether.
1. Hang with the Hares – chanting, singing, robes, long ponytails on dudes…couples won’t come near a Hare Krishna gathering with a ten foot pole, which is exactly where you should be.
2. Have an 8 hour call with your mother – how long since you had a marathon conversation with your mom? Usually you’re too busy to field her incessant, prying questions, but now you can get a year’s worth of mom time in one day.
3. Get back together with an Ex for One Day – this equals all day sex and meals in bed. Which equals beating Valentine’s Day at it’s own game.
4. Fly to Australia – not only is it summer over there, but it’s also a 24 hour flight, which means…
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Bad, bad kitties
I once saw a cat try its damnedest to murder a nun. The cat, with whom I eventually formed a synergistic, if not loving, relationship due to long term co-habitation, was an asshole, but he was an entertaining asshole, and never did learn that if he concentrated on chasing the laser pointer, he wouldn’t notice that he was gaiting full tilt towards the wall.
But he was an asshole. Face it ladies, all cats are, even the girl ones. Which is why it is time for you all to face facts: no matter what we say to women of the world, us boys do not like your cats. Whats that, you say? Every boy you’ve ever brought home has said he liked Mr. Fluffykins? You can’t possibly be that naive. He was trying to get to your kitty through your pussy.
Boys don’t like cats. Case in point, you’ve never met one who owns one who wasn’t at least a bit… off. Cats don’t even like cats. What, you have two? Maybe they’ll put on…
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Doctor Damage Tackles a Linguistic Conundrum
Oh help me, please doctor, I’m damaged: I am a very smart, erudite person who uses big words. My problem is, I can’t seem to find someone who is smart enough for me. Once I used the word “acerbic”, and she asked me what it meant. I dumped her on the spot. How can I lower my expectations?
Sincerely, Disconcerted
Dr. Damage understands this conundrum well. In fact, he just received an email from a perplexed reader (are there any other kind on this site?) who suggested that the Doctor’s vocabulary and approach to language was “overwrought.” This comment sent the Doctor into a slight tailspin because, like many of his devoted readers, he, too, is delicately constituted and, perhaps, maybe even a little overwrought.
Okay, but let’s focus. This is your problem and we’re going to solve it in 300 words or less, or my publisher will have my ass. In your constant need to impress, or drive away, potential dates by using big words, do you think there is some sort…
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Doctor Damage Shrinks the Shrink
Oh help me, please doctor, I’m damaged:
As a 33 year old single female psychologist, my problem with relationships is all too clear – I analyze each one down to the very bone. These are the kinds of things I ask on dates: How old were you when you began to play “doctor”? Have you ever hurt a small animal? How frequently did you talk to your mother, and are either of your parents narcissistic? Once, on a first date, I asked him how big his amygdala was – the part of the brain that processes emotions. My friends say I should be more concerned with the size of his other body parts. It seems like my love of psychology has made my search for a relationship self-fulfilling, but at this point it feels like I’m way deep into nothing special.
Sincerely, Not Your Shrink
This is the kind of case that a Doctor just loves to delve into. First, it seems quite obvious that your professional curiosity in the psychology of…
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Doctor Damage: Hard Times
Dear Doctor:
In troubled economic times like these, is it okay to date someone for their money while having sex with an ex-boyfriend on the side? To make things sort of even, I steal twenty bucks from my ex boyfriend every now and then.
Sincerely, Poor Gurl
Dr. Damage, who throws nickels around like manhole covers, sees your problem in chiefly economic, as opposed to romantic, terms. If the Doctor were Larry Summers, he’d say you are robbing Peter and robbing Paul, too. In this way, you’re a little like Bernie Madoff, but without polo ponies. But we digress. We see some hope here- by purloining only $20 per visit rather than your ex’s credit card or a c-note, we see restraint and, we dare say, responsibility in your actions. Plus, unless you’re not telling the whole truth, the fact that you are not making surreptitious withdrawals from your new boyfriend is cause for hope. Because, as the good Doctor learned in medical school (he paid attention in this class), it is…
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Soundtrax to your Life Part 1: Pre-Date Tunes
Life is like a movie. We’re all writer/director/stars of our own unfolding narrative. In other words, we’re all like Mel Gibson, hopefully without the anti-Semitism. This being the case, your music collection is nothing less than the soundtrack to your life. And like any good story, yours needs a love interest. Or some meaningless sex. Or at least a date every now and then. Preferably this is going to be an “R” rated movie, so we’ll need to see some skin. Capiche? So once you’ve identified your next love interest/sex partner/date it might behoove you to give some thought to the appropriate musical accompaniment to this crucial sequence. From the pre-date music to something for the car during the date to the makeout session on the couch and, if all goes well, right into the bedroom (or the floor/wall/kitchen table), let the music be your guide…
Part I: Pre-Date Tunes
There’s a lot to be said for mental preparation. Rather than just wandering aimlessly from one situation in life to the next, feel free to…
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