ConTEXTuals
Texts you WISH you could send, part 1
Texting is such a blast – a modern take on the telegram, you send cute, pithy messages back and forth in a sort of linguistic dalliance. It’s also a challenging medium to express your real thoughts and concerns, and as tempting as it may be we must control the urge to let it all hang out on SMS. Instead, LITD will compile an ongoing list of Texts you WISH you could send (add yours to the comments)
10 thoughts that go through your mind on a bad date
Ah, bad dates. Time slows to a crawl, the drinks seem never to deplete, and the world stops turning. It is, in most ways, the worst kind of hell. Single Girl Blogging captured the essence of it with this story, and below we dig deep into the psyche with actual thoughts that go through your mind:
“Christ, I really am going to be single forever.”
“Please God, please don’t let anyone I know see us. Please please please please.”
“If I could just replace this turd with the hot bartender, everything would be hunky dory.”
“I’m way too hot for him/her.”
“Is this what it takes to have a baby by 33?”
“If he/she was 30% cuter, 10% less annoying, 5% more interesting and 13% more stylish, I would be in a lot less pain.”
“God those chicken wings look good.”
“Missing at this very moment: 30 Rock, Kardashians, the Mets vs the Pirates, and Anderson Cooper. Fuck.”
“No no no! I’ll never settle.”
“Sigh. Fine, I’ll settle.” *
*thought results in marriage…
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Post text analysis: to bar, or not to bar
This is a series in which two of the web’s great relationship writers analyze a nebulous text correspondence between couples, lovers, or somewhere in-betweens. The following missive is particularly complex, so we approached two of the best: Nando,
whose wisdom is known to the world as Nandoism, and Zoe,
whose razor sharp wit draws blood on Wink Wink Wink.
The background:
They meet via blind date and start a very intense relationship (ie. Sex) all of a sudden. Thinking she’s never going to date him long term, she freaks out and dumps him, then calls him hours later and he end up spending the night. They date for a few more weeks, then she breaks up with him again. Then (you guessed it) date for another week. Finally they seal the break up deal but have continued to text every once in a while.
This is one of these times. It’s a Sunday evening in mid-March. She’s at a bar in Williamsburg:
She:
Considering getting out of the w’burg…
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Dumped on email: a death letter analysis
The following was my guest conTEXTual on the very very funny site, Winkwinkwink. Here’s the background to the death letter, in the words of the deceased:
Met on Match when I was dating a few other guys. We went out for Korean food, laughed for hours. Had another date, laughed some more. I knew it wasn’t going to be more than a short-term relationship in the beginning, but after a few Sunday afternoon motorcycle rides and road trips, I didn’t care. I was having fun. He introduced me to his friends. He would cancel weekend plans to hang out with me. His mom even knew my name and asked him about me in her daily emails. And this was only one month in. I started to like him, a lot, and only thought about him when I was dating this other Caribbean dude who was kind of perfect. Not even Mr. Perfect could stop me thinking about my funny Frenchman, so I broke up with Mr. Perfect and began dating just the Frenchman. I…
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Post Text Analysis
Pity those of us who are forced to date in the the 21st century. Yes, there are wonderful new forms of communication, but each one has a unique skill set to master. Texting in particular is a sneaky, slippery snake that, if not handled correctly, will bite you. Good thing you’re not alone. Each week LITD will take real texts, emails and phone messages, and, with the help of experts, will analyze what went right or wrong, so you can avoid getting bit by the poisonous text snake.
This week we’ve enlisted two of New York’s finest single’s writers, the lovely Simone from Sex Lies and Dating 
and the smooth Jackie from Jack from Brooklyn
, to hash out the text below.
ConTEXT:
The two met briefly at a party. He got her number and asked her out; they had drinks the week after. This text exchange took place immediately after the date.
Him:It was lovely to meet up. have a good night.
good; showed fearlessness about immediate feedback.
…
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Chatroulette Love – The Belgium Waffle and the Stripclub Janitor
This week, while looking for luv on chatroulette (sidenote: i have been calling it chat rouley. To me, CR is a dating platform, and pronouncing it chat rouley is just more romantical), I noticed a bizarre number of Belgium fellows populating the ‘let (another pet name) . But only one caught my eye. His name is Tom, and this is our story.
Chatroulette Love: Trans-Oceaneonic Affair
One of the most fascinating parts of Chatroulette is the ability to meet someone from a completely different continent, culture, language etc – love, as I’ve learned, has no boundaries, and this time I found it in China. Though betwixt us is an ocean, multiple continents, a language barrier, and long-standing misogynistic culture, we have found connection in the chasm of difference. It is the second longest Chatroulette relationship I have ever had, lasting 4 minutes.
You: Which one?
Stranger: Chinese
Stranger: you?
You: from NYC
Stranger: I went one. big, much lights very loud, very people
You: Well, China has quite big cities too so NYC can’t be that busy in comparison
Stranger: I live out no big city. farm?
You: ohh you dont live in the city, you live on a farm, cool!
Stranger: traditional family, grand mother with tight feet
You: Your mother has tight feet?
Stranger: tradition china, feet tight so lady not walk well
You: Oh! your grand mother has bound feet! I thought that doesn’t exist…
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